“Suppose I happen to know a unique flower, one that exists nowhere in the world except on my planet, one that a little sheep can wipe out in a single bite one morning, just like that, without even realizing what he’d doing – that isn’t important? If someone loves a flower of which just one example exists among all the millions and millions of stars, that’s enough to make him happy when he looks at the stars. He tells himself ‘My flower’s up there somewhere…’ But if the sheep eats the flower, then for him it’s as if, suddenly, all the stars went out. And that isn’t important?”
This week, I drove Euodia to Camarillo Premium Outlets to do some last minute shopping. The drive was about an hour long and I’m dismayed at myself for having such a low driving stamina. After I was done succumbing to the temptation that is F21, I proceeded to lock myself in my car before anything else happens.
But seriously, the view.
So I went to DisneyToons Studios and got to look at how they do animation movies and character voice recording. It was really interesting! Had fun in the recording room when I got to relive my childhood, made my day :’)
This cheered me up.
Church service was awesome; I have no words to describe how epic the whole thing was, not to mention being pleasantly surprised that JD led worship. Serving has also been really great. I’ve never been happier doing work that people usually find shitty. This week, I got the privilege to do something I’m more familiar with :D
So the not-so-cool thing that happened after church was… My bag got stolen. Mhm, I probably got too carried away and forgot that I’m still in LA after all. I panicked and ran around the theatre looking for it, but to no avail. My wallet, car keys, identification card, driver’s license and credit card were all in my bag. I almost cried and went totally uncool about it but thank god a few servers stayed behind to really help me through it. I was told to call someone to get me since I’m stranded in Downtown LA (not the safest part in Los Angeles at midnight). So, I called Farhan to come get me.
I wasn’t there to personally witness it, but apparently, Farhan (he’s living with a bunch of others) went to tell the rest that I was in trouble after talking to me on the phone and Hirzi immediately ended his Skype call with Sal and Mary got up to follow them after saying, “you guys need money.” She also mistakenly grabbed a bra along when she left the house X’D So they all arrived at Downtown LA looking like the most random ensemble ever because they were in such a rush. I, on the other hand, am very, very grateful that they actually rushed down for me without a second thought.
I lost quite a sum of money and my bank account looks pretty sad right now and it’s not like I’m gonna go home tomorrow, so… It wasn’t the best experience. Nonetheless, I’m thankful that I’m still alive. I’m thankful that I mindlessly brought my spare house key instead of my actual ring of keys, I’m thankful that I mindlessly put my house key with me in my pocket instead of my bag (I usually throw it in my bag), I’m thankful that I didn’t think about bringing any other valuable items. So yes, I did take a fall but I still landed on a safety net. Hopefully everything falls into place eventually. And to whoever that stole my stuff and money, you suck.
Had to tow my beloved car because I didn’t have my car keys with me. My heart really sank at the sight of this. :(
It gets better.
(because I can’t think of a title for this post but I can think of my state of mind right now)
I was sitting in my empty house waiting for time to pass in the morning before heading off to work and it dawned upon me that I’m actually overseas right now. I find it amazing that a place 14 thousand over miles away can make me feel so alone, yet so at home. Sometimes, the house gets so silent that I almost believe that it’d smother me. But sometimes, all it takes is a gentle reminder for the silence to become a warm blanket that engulfs me in my breathlessness and nervousness and suddenly I know, I just know, that everything’s gonna be okay. There’s just a different spirit about this whole trip that’s forcing me to learn in a very different way.
Today, the fire alarm kept going off at the office and everytime it did, everyone would look around hesitantly before deciding whether to get up or continue with whatever they were doing. It’s like a “is this really happening?” kinda reaction. And I guess whatever form of mild anxiety that occurs during this point becomes pale in comparison to when there really is a fire in front of you and you’re forced to react because shit just got real. Similarly, I’ve always toyed with the idea of how I’d react to a fire but honestly, I never really knew until I encountered one. Just for the fun of mentioning it, I became the clumsiest person the last time something caught on fire and my dad had to save me from it (it wasn’t that much of a big deal, I only almost burnt the kitchen down). So don’t expect me to save a room if it ever catches on fire.
Have you ever sprained your ankle? I have and it sucks because once you sprain your ankle, the likelihood of you spraining it again becomes much higher. I used to always wear an ankle guard whenever I had to get physical (dance) because obviously, it guards the ankle. But what it actually does is simply hold everything together temporarily while you heal and if you start relying on it, your ankle muscles would never grow strong enough to truly support you.
So shit got real. It’s like I’ve been walking around listening to the fire alarm go off with a quizzical look on my face and an ankle guard around my ankle wondering if it’s really happening but now, there’s a fire in ma face, my ankle guard’s gone and I have no choice but to let my dad put out the fire for me while I grow some muscles and- you know. It is pretty scary to be lonely. I kinda like how I have no choice about it cos I get to really realise that I’m not alone :’D
I guess you’d never know if there’s a safety net if you never jump, eh?
So hi. Prepare to be swept off your feet.
I didn’t really take photos this week because I didn’t really go to any epic places. It was, however, the roommate Euodia’s birthday, so I did this Lemon Tree cover for her and it’s funny because to be completely honest, I hated that song as a child. I thought that it was overplayed. Also, in kindergarten I remember being made to dance along to that song. But the power of friendship surpasses childhood trauma, right?
Speaking about YouTube videos, I’ve made a new playlist called Behind-the-songs (since I’m always posting songs…) and I will now dump miscellaneous, casual, nonsensical non-music videos into that playlist. I may post something really different tonight at 8pm. So do keep a look out.
Other than that, it’s been a lethargic week and I’m still feeling lethargic right now so I can’t wait to go home and sleep. Church was amazing as usual, with Hillsong Young & Free as well as Taya Smith around to lead worship. Looking forward for the weeks to pass by quicker.
This song, as with all my originals, is a mixture of events and experiences that has ever happened/is happening in my life.
It was a quiet, depressing afternoon with someone I love, and we were just talking. We were talking about our break up. She was someone whom I’ve always thought was “straight as a ruler” based on what we’ve ever talked about and I was shell-shocked the first time she admitted that she liked me. The thing is, we loved each other like crazy, and we still do. But being with someone of the same sex isn’t exactly a bed of roses, especially in Singapore.
So we talked and tried our best to make light of the shit hole that we sat in. After a quiet moment of exchanged smiles, she opened her mouth and hesitated. Finally, she said. “You know how I’ve always been bullied a lot in school in the past? Liking someone of the same sex would be another reason for people to pick on me.”
It took me a while before it dawned upon me the weight of what she just said. I wasn’t the first girl that she liked, and it didn’t matter. But for years, she kept this to herself in the deepest cracks of her heart. And my heart broke even more at the thought of that.
Because I know how tough it is to keep your heart locked in a safety box of condemnation for years and years while everyone else gets to openly like someone, talk about them incessantly and then worry about going too far after, perhaps, scoring a few bases. I know how it feels like to not even go there; to try not to even feel in the first place. I know how it feels like to pretend to feel; to psycho myself to like someone that society, friends and family approve of and then second-guess myself over and over again until I come to terms with myself that it’s just not the same. I know how it feels like to think that there’s something wrong with myself simply because everyone else thinks so, and how scary it is to think of how people would react if they knew. I know how it feels like to hate myself, to be torn between what I’ve been taught and how I really feel, and hurt myself because my heart is too numb from craning away every single hint of liking someone I’m not supposed to like. I know how it feels like to be very afraid, and almost believe that I can never live, love and serve in the capacity that God has intended for me. I know exactly how it feels like, not through empathy or a great sense of imagination, to be secretly gay.
I stopped the conversation then and there and hugged her for a long time. It must have been tough to be in her position through all these years.
This memory is part of the story behind Hush Now.
If you’ve been following my journey through my blog, you’d know that I’ve grown to believe in a God who loves me unconditionally, who gives me an undeniable, irrevocable calling in my life that is undefinable and unrestricted, who creates miracles out of mud and loves me in an unconventional, ground-shattering, rule-breaking, scandalous, audacious way that was, is and will never be defined by what anyone, myself included, do, say or think. This is the other part of the story behind Hush Now, the part that I got/get to learn over and over again throughout my journey. I find peace, rest, courage, comfort and hope in knowing that my identity can never be defined by anything or anyone except God Himself, and nothing else matters because Love has already won this war. People can say all sorts of nasty things but the things that they say can never revoke the journey that I’ve taken and the good things that God has done/will do with and in my life.
If you are in a similar situation right now with no one to turn to, I want you to know that you are not alone and you are so very precious for exactly you, not for what people would like you to be. Take heart; Love is much more than we’ll ever know.
Hello there, it’s week 6 of my Los Angeles trip!
Here’s my photo spam.
Yes, the Maker Interns are making an intern video and I’m excited to see how it turns out. My first week at work has been pretty interesting. Disney bought Maker Studios over and I guess we’ll just have to get used to watching…
Also, dogs are allowed.
And then we have this whiny little puppy :’3
I bring my pet to the office sometimes.
So this week, I had one of my dreams come true. I’ve always wanted to own a onesie… Or at least wear one. It could be a seal or a penguin or a panda or a duck onesie. If you’re familiar with Maker Studios’ Polaris, which has a show called Friend Zone, you’d know that onesies are readily available.
There can be miracles when you believe
So, my professors Nana and Rona brought us to watch Hair (musical) at the Hollywood Bowl. It’s most likely something that will never be shown in Singapore… Nudity, sex, marijuana, hippies, anti-establishment, peace and love and flower power. Read up more on the story if you like! It was an interesting experience and the music was great. We got to watch tiny (because we were seated freaking far from the stage) Kristen Bell, Amber Riley and Jenna Ushkowitz from Glee, as well as Modern Family’s Sarah Hyland and many others – Mario, Hunter Parrish, Jonah Platt, Benjamin Walker, Beverly D’Angelo, and Kevin Chamberlin prance around the stage.
There were greeters dressed as hippies welcoming us before the show started and it was awesome. I know someone who’d fit perfectly in the picture below.
Audience members also dressed up as flower children in the spirit of the musical. It was like travelling back in time.
The Hollywood Bowl experience doesn’t count if you don’t snack. I had a good share of pita chips and hummus to myself. Mm. Chickpeas.
Went all the way down to Santa Monica to meet Nana’s friend, Chris Westlake, who’s an extremely talented musician/composer/audio engineer working on a Chris Evans film. He told me that Chris Evans sat on the couch that I sat on. I almost brought the couch home.
(nah he didn’t actually say that)
This week, Hillsong services were held at the Mayan Theatre instead of the usual Belasco Theatre. And the Mayan Theatre really reminded me of Legends of the Hidden Temple. You know, that old kids competition show that’s basically like Temple Run but in real life? One of the servers, while standing around idly, asked, “so where are the coins?” XD
Then we also had the Transformer-esque ceiling.
Posting 2 new YouTube videos tonight at 8pm!
Check them out here.
On a totally unrelated note, I made bak kut teh today and it turned out nice :3
While it is good to be accountable and seek advice from people who point you towards the right direction, in some instances, it becomes a cover over people’s heads. It becomes a mould, a template of “God’s way of doing things” laced with personal prejudices and biases.
The problem comes when people get so used to certain ways of things that they cannot help but believe there’s no way around it. Funny, because sometimes, it has nothing to do with faith. It’s more of a perception issue.
Do I invalidate crazy dreams just because you think they aren’t God best for me? Am I suddenly, in your opinion, insecure, damaged, or in a rough place just because I make choices contrary to what you think God prefers? I’ve heard more than once, stories of people thinking less of themselves because of opinions. Not just opinions from people they don’t actually know, but from people they look up to as well.
A boy is only a problem child to those who think that he is. And more often than not, a boy behaves like a problem child when he is treated like one. (Notice how my perception filters decided that ‘boy’ fits better in the previous sentence instead of ‘girl’? This is because in my experience, the problem children that I’ve ever encountered were mostly boys. But what I’ve encountered through my personal experience does not mean that boy = problem child, though it is easy to relate them to that just because.)
When you consciously or subconsciously think someone (who may not actually have a problem) has a problem, you give yourself away through the words that you say and the things that you do.
We cannot deny that we all have our own versions of good or bad choices but I’m pretty sure people can live without giving other people the authority to speak over their lives, only to end up even more discouraged just because of a few baseless preconceived notions.
Update: In case you’re assuming, I’m not saying this because it happened to me. I wrote this after hearing some stories from people around me. So don’t miss the entire point of this post?
This is a song that someone introduced to me. She told me that she used to listen to it whenever things got a little rough for her. We made some new, pleasant memories with it and now I look at this song with fondness in my heart. Hope you like it.